The Journey Begins

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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I was 51 years old when my husband committed suicide.  Was it then that my emotional life began to spin out of control?  Probably not.  I think I’ve been a bit of a mess forever, and have previously touched on the basis that I’m most likely somewhat co-dependent, but have never really taken the steps to fully understand or change this behavior. 

I have made changes to my life, even to certain behaviors, but I have never truly changed.. Me.  I have always had faith, but have I been a disciple?  Are these the changes I need to make?  Therapy has given me tools, but should not All my answers lie in God? 

So, I’ve decided to write this in my journey toward Peace.  If it helps just one other person struggling, then maybe I will feel justified in these steps I’m taking.  (is that a co-dependent statement? I guess we’ll find out).  One of the hardest things in my life is taking care of me.  I’ve always been great at taking care of others.  Labeled an Empath, I feel and sense what others are feeling and need, and generally I’m able to help them.  I feel others emotions and overwhelmingly absorb them like a sponge.  Is this a gift? or a curse?

Sometimes I blame this as my own feelings of failure, even in successes.  Especially when Dan shot himself… in the heart, as his last statement.  This has broken me, and for the last two years I have been in a complete fog of emotion, not always making the best choices.  I am lonely, yet I shouldn’t be in Faith.  I am broken, yet God heals.  I am stuck.  So here begins my journey…and God willing, I will find the strength to complete this journey of self-reflection and restoration.  Once and for all…..

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